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Miss You!!


The decisions made in anger or frustration sometimes could leave us later with no other option  than repent. And most of the time there is no way to get back.

I had already decided. The planning was on since long and finally the decision too was also in my favor. I was happy. May be I was. I didn’t know how to react. Yes, I asked for it. I wanted it. But when it came, I wasn’t able to decide whether this is what I wanted. I was running away and at that moment, that seemed the only way to get out of all that was running in my mind.

The announcements were made. I had to report in Pune. I could feel my body already numb when all my batch mates started congratulating me for getting the location of my choice when many others were still complaining.

“But is it right? How will mummy react to it? She doesn’t even have a clue of what I am up to. Why did I do it to myself and those related to me? Why am I running away and from whom? Self?”

I had no idea how to react to my own decision. I wasn’t able to rejoice cz I was worried about my family. And on the other side, I so wanted to go cz I just wanted to be alone somewhere, far from the reach of all those who know me. It was all planned long back.

“So, which location do you prefer Anu?

Anywhere in India will be ok for me, except Chennai.

But you are settled here with your family right?

Yes, but I don’t wanna be here anymore. Give me any location but not Chennai plz.”

It was me who asked for it. I should be happy. I was happy. May be I was.

“Mummy I have got Pune as my location. I got to report there in 2 weeks!

What? Pune? But, why didn’t you ask for Chennai? Who else is reporting there?

None from my batch. I have no idea if anybody there from other batches too. But, I am going mummy.

But why did you accept Pune? We don’t even know anybody there.

Mummy that and all I will see later. Don’t worry. “

I couldn’t talk to her more. Somehow the day passed in academy and I headed back to home with the confusion still running in my mind and now it was moreover the worries. I had already started counting the days. Just 2 more weeks!

After 2 days-

“Hei where are you?

I will be in camp road in 10 mins. Why?

Just get down near CCD. Need to talk.

Now? It’s already late. I will see you in weekend.

Just get down I said.

But……..Ok I will be there!”

As usual he was already waiting there. As I headed towards him I could sense him uttering something. The anger wasn’t hidden.

“Why are you doing this? Are you out of your mind or what? How could you be selfish and so careless?”

“Hmmm”

“Did you think of your mum at least once before deciding all these? Idiot why don’t you understand? Who will look after your family in your absence? How could you do this Anu. If it was forced, it’s different, but by choice?”

“They will be taken care of. And if anything needed, I know you are there!”

“Do you even understand that it won’t be easy getting back in future even if you wish too?”

“I know! I am not a fool!”

“Tell me one thing very clearly, why do you wanna go? Who is there in Pune? Is there something you are hiding from me?“

“Eeh nothing like what you are thinking. It’s just,,,hmm I don’t know! But I want to be alone for sometime. I want to know what exactly I want out of my life. There is so much running within and I will be able to answer it all only if I get to think over it. It’s impossible being in the comfort zone here. I know I am acting selfish. I know I am being careless. I know it may not be right. But,,,,,,,,,, “

“What has happened to you? You are talking nuts.”

“Forget it. I can’t explain.”

“OK when you have already decided everything, why are you worrying now?”

“Hmm I am scared! I am scared for Mum!!! I didn’t even tell her that it’s my choice!”

“You should have thought all these before. Anyways don’t worry now. Things will be fine. You take care of yourself. You can’t change the decision made and you don’t even want to. So better forget it all now.”

“Hmm I will leave in a week. In a day or two tickets will be confirmed.”

“Don’t tell me all this. I am not even gonna call you once you are gone from here. This was our last meet! ”

“But I will miss you very badly!!”

I could see his dabbling eyes. That was the moment I realized I am wrong. I realized what I have done. I could feel the pain everyone was going through just cz of my one decision. Away from all the people who love me I will never be at peace. Never!! But then, was there any way out?

After 3 days I got a mail asking to report in MEPZ. I was puzzled. My location was Pune but then why am I asked to report in Chennai?

Morning I reported to my manager in MEPZ and the same afternoon I received the mail asking to report in Pune the next week on Monday.

It meant, I got one more chance. One more chance to decide. Chennai among all my loved ones or Pune only with self. I knew what I wanted. I called up Mum the very moment and asked what should I do now? The reply came instantly- “Dare you think of leaving now!”

And today, here I am writing it all. Had I not met him that day, I would have never realized what I have done and how many it was going to affect including me.

I would have never met the wonderful people who in very short span of time became my good friends 🙂 Things wouldn’t have been same!

And last but not least, I would have missed a wonderful friend I am gifted with. Thanks buddy 🙂

Till date whenever my sis finds the ‘Miss-You” card that he gifted me that day, she says “Di, you wasted such a beautiful card” 😛

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Categories: Random
  1. August 29, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    have read it on ch1.. good as ever..

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